Confessions from Daughter of a Thousand Years

I chickened out.
I pulled my punches.
I was afraid, and I let my fear take the wheel.

One of the criticisms DAUGHTER seems to receive goes something like this: If Emma had a true and authentic spiritual experience, she wouldn't doubt her faith.

As a heathen who has definitely had profound and entirely authentic spiritual experiences and also still doubted her faith, let me tell you, FIRST of all, that no, having the experience does not magically make one's faith bulletproof. You are still surrounded by people on all sides telling you it cannot possibly have happened and your experience cannot possibly have been what you think it was because your god isn't even REAL--there's definitely some not-so-subtle gaslighting taking place under those circumstances and it sucks. If you can get the people you love to admit that what you experienced is an authentic spiritual experience at all, often times they want to co-opt it and claim it existed inside the framework of their own faith, that that's the only possible way it could be authentic and real, again undermining your experience completely and your faith and trust in YOURSELF and your own senses.

But SECONDLY, and maybe even more importantly, I want to apologize, because the reason that Emma doesn't have an authentic spiritual experience ON THE PAGE in DAUGHTER OF A THOUSAND YEARS is 1000000000000000% because of my own fear. Because while I was writing it, I was still TERRIFIED of putting anything approaching my own experience of the divine, of Thor, on the page, and having that experience rejected.

Again.

This time by the whole publishing, reading world. Or worse than that, other pagans.

I didn't want to include that very personal truth and have it labeled "fantasy," for that matter, either. (It was devastating enough to see it ultimately categorized as fantasy as it was, let me tell you--maybe especially because I'd denied myself and my truth in the hopes that if I did, it would be more acceptable, somehow.)

I was so, so afraid. And that fear took something from the authenticity of Emma's characterization. The reality of her experience of her faith and her god. Which is not to say I'm not still proud of DAUGHTER OF A THOUSAND YEARS--because I am! SO proud! In some ways, it feels like it is very much my best, most literary work. But I wish I had been more honest with myself then, while writing it. I wish I hadn't been so afraid.

That said, I think when I was writing DAUGHTER, I was doing the best I could do. I think writing DAUGHTER gave me the courage and strength to look back on it now and say "this book was written from a place of fear. I want to do better next time."

So this is my promise to you, and to myself: In the future, I'm going to lean into the things that scare me instead of trying to skate around their edges. In the future, I'm going to keep control of the wheel. I hope you'll find the courage to do the same!

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A Quick Update

Hi, I'm still here.

Yes, one day, I DO still want to write an Antiope and Theseus book. (And a book about Aethra. And a Heracles adventure. And more Polypoetes. And and and!)

No, I'm not writing it right now. (Sadface! Extreme Sadface!)

If you aren't subscribed to The Amaliad to stay up to date on my authorial adventures, you definitely should be! I always include any current sales in my newsletter and Lake Union has sales and promotions for my Helen books and DAUGHTER pretty regularly! Plus you'll hear about new projects there first, too. And! There are giveaways! And Subscriber Exclusive bonuses!

I'm currently catching up on Amalia Dillin projects that fell by the wayside while I was under deadline doing Amalia Carosella work, so you can check out my blog over there, too, for updates if you are morally opposed to newsletters. The biggest thing is that I'm devoting 2018 to writing Orc3 for my Orc Saga fans, and they've been waiting a long time because burnout so I'm trying to keep my focus there now that I have reclaimed my joy in writing again. And once that's done, I'm going to just write for the love of it wherever the creative winds take me, for myself, and try to not let the stress of publishing grind me into dust.

That said, if you loved DAUGHTER OF A THOUSAND YEARS, consider crossing over to my Amalia Dillin Fate of the Gods trilogy! FORGED BY FATE is a triple timeline, historical and contemporary fantasy timeslip, heavy on the mythic, and follows Thor, Adam, and Eve (yes, that Adam and Eve) from Creation into the present.

And of course don't forget to grab A SEA OF SORROW: A NOVEL OF ODYSSEUS, my H-Team adventure! It really is The Odyssey as you've never read it before, and I do not use that expression lightly because it makes me roll my eyes right out of my head whenever someone says it to me.

What else?

Hm. I think that's about it for the moment on my historical fiction side. I hope you'll stay tuned for whatever comes next, be it hist fic or contemporary romance or mythic fantasy, as Amalia Carosella or Amalia Dillin. And in the meantime, thanks so much for reading!!!

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Daughter of a Thousand Years audiobook giveaway!

Available NOW on Amazon!

Offda. It's been a while.

I'm currently in draft mode -- working on three different writing projects simultaneously (LOL GOOD JOB BRAIN), plus some graphic design things that needed to get done (bookmarks for TAMER and DAUGHTER and BHH are coming with me to HNS Portland in June!) so I've been a littttttle bit more scatterbrained about social media-ing than usual.

But somehow it is now almost Easter and I do not know where March went, but the blog has been sadly neglected. Which I *think* means it's time for a small giveaway. (USA only this time, sorry!)

I've got audio editions for DAUGHTER OF A THOUSAND YEARS -- MP3 or Audio CD -- and I think one of you should have your choice. I'll even send along the fancy new bookmarks once they arrive, too. (I'll be ordering them this week!)

The only mandatory entries in the rafflecopter are your contact email (exclusively so I can get in touch if you win) and dropping a comment below about your favorite author swag! (For example, I brought Herc Butt magnets to HNS Denver -- how do we feel about a Hermes Butt magnet for Portland? Do you prefer stickers instead of magnets? Or is there another Butt from #NameThatButt that you'd prefer? Or no butts at all? *gasp!*) 

You can also tweet and follow and subscribe to the Amaliad for extra entries, of course.

Anyway, GO FORTH AND ENTER!


a Rafflecopter giveaway

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The DAUGHTER OF A THOUSAND YEARS Twitter Thread Masterpost

I've been posting a LOT about DAUGHTER OF A THOUSAND YEARS on twitter these last couple of days, and I know not everyone follows me over yonder to pick up what I'm putting down, so I thought it might be helpful to include some of those threads here for people to reference -- storify slideshows for everyone!

First, an important PSA thread:

And now, more!

Phew. Okay. So there you go -- each of those threads is like an entire blogpost worth of meat I feel like, so I just wanted to make sure they are out there for everyone because all of these topics are, I think, important as they relate to this book and even just generally, particularly in today's GASTONTOPIA world.

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Daughter of a Thousand Years In the Wilds!

DAUGHTER OF A THOUSAND YEARS released yesterday! It's been a wild ride, start to finish, but I'm so happy to have the opportunity to share Emma and Freydis's stories, present and past, with the world!

Today is the obligatory earliest blogtour reviews round-up post, in the hopes that hearing the great things people are saying about DAUGHTER will persuade any of you who may be on the fence about clicking that pesky buy now button!

Author Libbie Hawker started us off with a phenomenal blurb for DAUGHTER:

Amalia Carosella’s newest novel is beautiful, honest, and relevant, speaking boldly of our right as Americans to worship as our hearts direct, at a time when we most need to hear that message. Daughter of a Thousand Years is a touching examination of honesty in faith and the personal nature of religious belief. It’s also great historical fiction, with the rich detail and excitement that are hallmarks of all Carosella’s books.

(P.S. Her books TIDEWATER and DAUGHTER OF SAND AND STONE are two of my favorites; absolutely beautiful hist fic novels!)

Michelle at Mountains on the Horizon says:

From experiencing public bias, to relationship struggles and families, Author Carosella has given this book a spirit that shines through her strong women characters. Without faith bashing on any fronts, she is able to show cultural and religious bias that still thrives in our everyday lives. 

From Stacie at Pursuing Stacie (Living Beyond the Title):

I have never, ever had a book hit me so hard. It has challenged my beliefs. It has forced me to step outside of my comfort zone, to study the beliefs that my ancestors held to so fiercely. That people today, hold to so fiercely. 

Jenny Q at Let Them Read Books said:

Well written, as always from Ms. Carosella, and well worth a read for the historical details, and for the theological discussion, if you're in the mood for one.

From Margaret at Just One More Chapter:

Freydis was a woman ahead of her time, she didn't want to waiver from her beliefs and yield to society demands but to forge her own destiny even when they could end with dire consequences.

Stephanie from 100 Pages a Day offered:

Emma and Freydís are strong women that show immense courage, they are both true to themselves while trying to live up to their family's wishes. [...] Overall, a wonderful mix of historical fiction and contemporary fictions that compares women's struggles and religious persecution through time. 

And last but not least, from Erin at Oh, for the Hook of a Book:

If you like to be swept away in a good historical fiction read, and like memorable reads with strong female characters, this is a good book for you to dive into eyes first. Pick this up as one of your highlights of the first half of 2017.

*phew* That's a lot of reviews so far! And I am SO GRATEFUL for each and every one of them! Please visit the blogs of all these fantastic reviewers and check out the other works they've read and recommended -- because without bookbloggers, authors would be kind of up the creek without the paddle, as they say.

And you can follow along with DAUGHTER's blogtour as we forge ahead -- the complete schedule is found on many of the linked reviews above, and also at Historical Fiction Virtual Blog Tours; many thanks to the fabulous Amy, who set all this up for me. (And you!) In addition to reviews, we've got some interviews coming down the pipe, and I'm looking forward to sharing all of that with you all as the month marches on!

In the meantime, I hope you'll give DAUGHTER a shot, and if you enjoy it (or, you know, even if you don't), please do consider posting your review on Goodreads and/or Amazon!

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Musing on Hel (And the Norse Afterlife)

Ahhhhhhhhhh! Just ONE WEEK until Daughter of a Thousand Years releases! On that note, another Norse post! It is maybe possibly semi Valentine's Day thematic? Kind of? You can decide for yourself, I suppose -- but here are my thoughts on Hel and the Norse Afterlife. (Also I totally especially recommend reading the footnotes on this one.)

Hermod before Hela (via Wiki commons, PD)

One of the monstrous children of Loki, according to Snorri in the Prose Edda, Hel is "half black and half flesh-colored." She was given the rulership of Niflheim and all those who die of sickness or old age -- meaning pretty much everyone who didn't die with exceptional glory in battle, with the possible exception of those who were lost at sea.***

[Those who DID die gloriously in battle might be swept up by the Valkyries, or perhaps Freyja and brought to Asgard to live on drinking and battling for funsies in Valhalla (with Odin) or Folkvangr (with Freyja) until Ragnarok. However, a poem from the Poetic Edda, The Hárbardsljód, suggests Thor might have had a hall for the souls of peasants and thralls, so maybe it wasn't only the glorious died-in-battle nobles who got a more um. pleasant? afterlife. It's hard to say for certain -- but we definitely shouldn't confuse the idea of Valhalla with the Christian idea of Heaven.]

In any event, if the exceptional deaths got the Valhalla/Folkvangr upgrade, it was only the second class deaths that went to Hel* which was by most accounts a pretty dismal place, in particular this stanza in the Voluspa describing part of Niflheim is pretty bleak**:

38. A hall I saw, | far from the sun,

On Nastrond it stands, | and the doors face north,

Venom drops | through the smoke-vent down,

For around the walls | do serpents wind.

I don't know about you, but with that as my other option, I'd definitely be more inclined to consider running myself straight toward someone else's sword in heroic battle. Especially if the woman who greeted and embraced me should I die of old age or illness was only half human flesh. Half-alive, even. But what if her appearance is more than just the indication of her monstrous birth -- the child of Loki and the Giantess, Angrboða -- and potential threat to gods? What if it signifies the grief of loss? Of the women who were left behind when their husbands went out as Vikings and never came home again?

Sure, their bravest and boldest men went to Valhalla to be waited on by Valkyries, or got to dance their nights away with the goddess Freyja (by all accounts, very beautiful and highly sought after as a bride by the frost giants, who are obsessed with marrying her) but those women, who did not or would not die in battle had lost their men and sons for eternity. There was no hope of reunion when the dead were divided so absolutely in the afterlife. 

What if Hel is the representation of their heartbreak, their suffering, their grief, in knowing they will never embrace their loved ones again? For that matter, it could be the representation of all loss of that nature. The husband's loss of his beloved wife and child in childbirth -- when just hours earlier the world had been full of life and promise, now cruelly stripped away, there is only a half life left, while stumbling through grief.

It seems likely to me that Hel, responsible for those kinds of deaths, would embody their suffering physically as well. But what a miserable existence, taking charge of so many forsaken spirits. And having been forsaken by the Aesir, to rot with Hel in Niflheim, is it any wonder that the dead in her domain rise up against the gods in Ragnarok? 

Perhaps it's their grief that makes them do it.

***There's also an idea of a family mound -- a burial place NOT in Niflheim, but perhaps within your own property, where your soul would reside with your ancestors and family members. So perhaps of the sick and old-aged, it was only those whose bodies were not laid properly to rest or given the proper rites who resided in Hel's domain -- the forgotten and the exiled and the outlawed would certainly make a sorry bunch. Since family and community were so important, the foundation of society really, this would make a lot of sense to me. I incorporate both the idea of the Mound and Thor's hall for peasants in DAUGHTER OF A THOUSAND YEARS.

*In those days, a good many of those who would have died of sickness were probably women and children, most especially in childbirth. Norse women could and did go off to plunder and fight as vikings, with new evidence suggesting they were more prevalent in those parties than we previously thought, but childbirth was dangerous then, and there was no telling what was on the other end of a pregnancy -- life or death. The idea of Hel as half alive and half dead, then, is rather fitting. It almost seems to me as though every woman had one foot in the grave in those days, especially if she was married and bearing children. 

** This sounds to me like the place where Loki is bound, what with the venom dripping down into his face and eyes and the presence of the serpents. But there isn't any real specific information on where Loki was imprisoned, and since when he writhes against his bonds he causes earthquakes, it seems to me that implies he's trapped beneath Midgard somewhere. Maybe that's where Nifleheim is, though. It's hard to say how it all maps out.

You can pre-order print, kindle, or audiobook! Daughter of a Thousand Years is almost here!!! Ahhhhh! And don't forget you can still enter to win one of 100 kindle copies on Goodreads, or join us for the blogtour beginning this Thursday!

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A Problem of (Norse) Sources

I wanted to post an overview of the Norse gods today, but I realized I probably needed to talk a little bit about the difficulties that Norse Mythology presents, as far as determining well... anything about it, honestly.

Unlike the Greco-Roman tradition, for which we have many pre-Christian sources*, Norse Mythology was only preserved in written form AFTER the majority of the North had converted to some form of Christianity or another. This means that ALL of our sources for Norse Mythology (with the exception of a couple of Latin authors) were written VERY late, and (again, with few exceptions) after the pagan system of belief had been largely dismantled. Snorri, one of the primary authors of what we have left of Norse Myth is himself a Christian, and makes his reasoning and agenda quite clear -- he's preserving (Icelandic) Norse Myth not for the purpose of maintaining the lore of the pagan faith tradition itself, but for the purpose of preserving the poetic forms which he saw as an important cultural heritage and inheritance of Icelanders. In the prologue of the Prose Edda, in fact, he takes great pains to discredit the idea of the Norse gods as divine beings, going so far as to turn them instead into kings and princes -- of TROY.

Adding to the problems presented by source bias as relates to faith, what was preserved at all is only a small sliver of a vast and highly variable, highly localized breadth of beliefs. Primarily, those that belonged to Icelanders. But even all Icelanders likely wouldn't have worshipped the same gods in the same way or necessarily in the same order of precedence. Broadly speaking, I'm sure they shared more than they didn't on the island, but every community would have had its own variations on those thematic broad strokes. And the same can be said for the Norse-pagans in Norway or Denmark or Finland or Sweden. From one village to the next, practices and beliefs might well have been wildly different, never mind from one larger kingdom or country** to another.

We have this prevailing idea of these old faiths, in our modern Western World, that they were monolithic, like Christianity*** is or was. But Nordic peoples didn't all have one holy book from which they built their faith, they had no scripture, no state-organized or imposed faith traditions or rituals that united them all (though later, certain kings might impose certain rules -- or demand all their people be baptized, etc). They relied by and large upon wise women or men, shaman-priests and seers, to direct their individual communities. And while some of these wise women (for example) might have traveled from community to community, making rounds, and engaging in rituals that might have been common between one village and the next, the needs of those villages would not all have been the same, and the direction dispensed, therefore, would not have been the same, either. What worked for one group, one tribe, one village, one community, would not necessarily work for another.

So. All of that is said as a kind of disclaimer, before I give you any kind overview of anything Norse Myth related -- because it's important to recognize that any overview we glean from the sources is already deeply flawed and cannot be truly representative of what was once a/many vibrant and living, wide-ranging, cultural and faith tradition(s) or belief(s).

And not unlike the pre-Christian Norse peoples, Heathenry/Asatru/Norse Paganism as a whole today is just as deeply and widely variable and just as highly localized -- there truly is no one way, and even when we might agree on one element generally, it doesn't mean it will look the same from community to community. But... that kind of makes community that much more important, I think, because without it, you lose an essential compass point in making sense of the experiences you might have had, spiritually and otherwise.


*whether you believe the authors were atheists or agnostic or not is another issue altogether, which I won't get into today because we've already got our hands full.

**I use the terms kingdom and country loosely here -- because what we consider to be a united nation today was obviously not necessarily the same united nation of the viking age, if there was a union of tribes at all at any given time.

***I think at this point an argument could be made that Christianity is becoming less monolithic by the day, because local church community to local church community, even within the same town, might interpret the scriptures in extremely variable ways, but again, that's another conversation for another day.

Don't forget to enter to win 1 of 100 (!!!) kindle copies of DAUGHTER OF A THOUSAND YEARS on Goodreads, or just go ahead and give it a pre-order if you prefer! 

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The Book That Made Me Bleed

So I don't know if you heard but Amazon Publishing is giving away 100 Kindle Editions of Daughter of a Thousand Years over on Goodreads -- 100 copies!!! So I hope you'll all head on over and enter to win, because that feels like pretty good odds to me.

pre-order on Amazon

Daughter is a book very close to my heart. I've talked about this elsewhere, under my other author name and in my more personal interactions with people and fans, but I've been kind of a coward about it as Amalia Carosella. I've been afraid to be honest with you all about WHY it is such an important book for me. Which is kind of silly of me, and not only because I'm very forthright about it in my author's note at the end of the book. But you see, it's in part my own fear that makes it so important to me.

As authors, we're kind of expected to simultaneously pour our lifeblood onto the pages of our books, and at the same time, remain apart from them, to cleanse and cut any obvious ties between ourselves and the story we're telling. Our books are both about ourselves, our issues, our struggles, our moral and ethical dilemmas and... Not. Most of the time, it isn't until I've finished writing a book that I look back at it and go "oh. I guess I was trying to figure x out still." Daughter was different, though. Daughter was the book that I knew was going to make me bleed from the start. The book I wasn't ready to write. The book I knew was going to make me deal with all my fears regarding my own faith, my own failings, my own existence in this crazy world we live in.

I am not Emma. Let me put that out there first and foremost before I go any further. I am not Emma, but I have felt the things Emma has felt. Emma's fears have, to a vastly different extent in some ways and to a similar degree in others, been my fears -- and this blogpost is proof that I haven't conquered all those fears yet. That I am still struggling with some of the things that Emma struggles with. Because although I am not Emma, I am, like Emma's character, a pagan polytheist. A Heathen, specifically. My spiritual experiences have been prevailingly Germanic-Norse, not Abrahamic. And let me tell you, squaring all that up with a Catholic upbringing was... pretty terrifying for me. Even more so when I realized I was suddenly on my own, alone, without the comfort and support of the Church to provide a community for me anywhere I went in the (Western) world, without the reassurance that there were literally millions of other people out there who shared in what I believed.

There is so much strength in numbers. In community. There is so much power there to lift us up, or strike us down. And when we can't see ourselves in the community we've been immersed in, when it feels like we don't belong there anymore -- it is so, so hard. But that's what makes this book matter -- to me, maybe to someone you know, but didn't realize needed it, or maybe to you -- because I don't want it to be as hard for someone else. I want them to see themselves inside the community, somewhere, somehow -- even if it's just the community of people who love books.

It's as good a place to start as any.

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Freydis Eriksdaughter

The Draken at Mystic Seaport

(Or if you prefer: Freydís Eiríksdóttir)

DAUGHTER OF A THOUSAND YEARS is in large part (half) a book about Erik the Red's daughter, Freydis. She also happens to be the (half) sister of Leif Eriksson aka Leif the Lucky -- who you probably are familiar with via Leif Eriksson's Day, that holiday around Columbus Day that celebrates Leif as the actual first European to stumble across America. (Which is maybe not even true either but for the moment, we'll let that lie.) So why write about Freydis when I could write a book about Leif or Erik?

There are a couple of reasons. A multitude, even, but the first and foremost is that Freydis Fights. She is such a rich and defiant character, even in the sagas, where most characters are not really painted beyond their broadest strokes. But Freydis had personality. She went against the grain, did things that seemed ridiculous and mind-boggling and even awful. And I wanted to know why. I wanted to know what provoked her, what compelled her to act in the ways that she acted, contrary to the ways in which she was expected to act or behave.

You see, in the Vinland Sagas, there are plenty of clearly pious characters -- good people who are wise and act appropriately. Leif is one of them. Not exactly a hero, because he's not really the focus of the story, but certainly a Good Man (tm). Gudrid and Karlsefni, too, are very pious, very Good People (tm). And Freydis -- well, there's some debate as to whether Freydis even lived, or whether she was wholly invented to act as a foil to Gudrid and the other Good People, the pious, Godly people. Which made her that much more perfect for fiction, naturally! Built in conflict and turmoil, and a chance to understand what might have made her UNgodly and UNpious. What made her trouble, when everyone around her was trying to become Great and doing work in God's name?

I had a theory.

You'll have to read DAUGHTER OF A THOUSAND YEARS to decide for yourself whether you agree.

Don't forget you can request a review copy still, via Netgalley, and we'll be blogtouring beginning February 16th! In the meantime, maybe you want to mark DAUGHTER to-read on Goodreads? Or dare I dream that you'd even go so far as to pre-order?

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