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Thursday, October 18, 2018

Confessions from Daughter of a Thousand Years

I chickened out.
I pulled my punches.
I was afraid, and I let my fear take the wheel.

One of the criticisms DAUGHTER seems to receive goes something like this: If Emma had a true and authentic spiritual experience, she wouldn't doubt her faith.

As a heathen who has definitely had profound and entirely authentic spiritual experiences and also still doubted her faith, let me tell you, FIRST of all, that no, having the experience does not magically make one's faith bulletproof. You are still surrounded by people on all sides telling you it cannot possibly have happened and your experience cannot possibly have been what you think it was because your god isn't even REAL--there's definitely some not-so-subtle gaslighting taking place under those circumstances and it sucks. If you can get the people you love to admit that what you experienced is an authentic spiritual experience at all, often times they want to co-opt it and claim it existed inside the framework of their own faith, that that's the only possible way it could be authentic and real, again undermining your experience completely and your faith and trust in YOURSELF and your own senses.

But SECONDLY, and maybe even more importantly, I want to apologize, because the reason that Emma doesn't have an authentic spiritual experience ON THE PAGE in DAUGHTER OF A THOUSAND YEARS is 1000000000000000% because of my own fear. Because while I was writing it, I was still TERRIFIED of putting anything approaching my own experience of the divine, of Thor, on the page, and having that experience rejected.


This time by the whole publishing, reading world. Or worse than that, other pagans.

I didn't want to include that very personal truth and have it labeled "fantasy," for that matter, either. (It was devastating enough to see it ultimately categorized as fantasy as it was, let me tell you--maybe especially because I'd denied myself and my truth in the hopes that if I did, it would be more acceptable, somehow.)

I was so, so afraid. And that fear took something from the authenticity of Emma's characterization. The reality of her experience of her faith and her god. Which is not to say I'm not still proud of DAUGHTER OF A THOUSAND YEARS--because I am! SO proud! In some ways, it feels like it is very much my best, most literary work. But I wish I had been more honest with myself then, while writing it. I wish I hadn't been so afraid.

That said, I think when I was writing DAUGHTER, I was doing the best I could do. I think writing DAUGHTER gave me the courage and strength to look back on it now and say "this book was written from a place of fear. I want to do better next time."

So this is my promise to you, and to myself: In the future, I'm going to lean into the things that scare me instead of trying to skate around their edges. In the future, I'm going to keep control of the wheel. I hope you'll find the courage to do the same!

Tamer of Horses Helen of Sparta By Helen's Hand Daughter of a Thousand Years A Sea of Sorrow: A Novel of Odysseus
Amazon | Barnes&Noble | IndieBound

Thursday, August 30, 2018

Paris, Polypoetes, and the Trojan War I Swore I'd Never Write

Eduard Lebiedzki Urteil des Paris
Urteil des Paris By Eduard Lebiedzki (1862-1915) (Dorotheum) [PD], via Wikimedia Commons

I should have known better than to say I would never write the Trojan War. I knew I had no intention of doing it as part of Helen's story, for sure, and maybe I should have qualified my statement then--but I genuinely didn't think that five years later I'd be back in this place, desperate to continue Paris's story. Paris of all people!

And yet, here I am.

Since 2018 is the year that I give my authorself a break, and try to remember to write for the love of writing first and foremost, I started writing it. And once I started writing it, I realized something else: It wasn't only Paris's story I wanted to tell. There was Pirithous's son, Polypoetes, too, who was begging for more.

And really, what's the Trojan War without the Greeks? What's the point of retelling the story unless you can see a little bit behind the lines on both sides? The Trojan War has been done and redone a thousand times, but it was always about Achilles and Agamemnon, Menelaus and Odysseus. It was always Hector and Helen and Paris as a convenient scapegoat and coward.

Maybe, I thought, just maybe, this would be enough to set my retelling apart. If I showed the war through the eyes of a less invested hero on the Greek side. If I let Paris be the hero that I knew in my heart he could be. A flawed hero, a failure in the end, but not the coward we've all painted him as again and again--all flash and no substance.

In August's Newsletter I included a little bit of a sneak peek--I've only got six more chapters or so to go, and in a huge change of pace for my authorself, I even have them outlined. But I'm still not done, and honestly? Because it's still 2018, I'm not putting any pressure on myself to finish it yet. (Which leaves you plenty of time to catch up by reading HELEN OF SPARTA and BY HELEN'S HAND before I do!)

Even so, I'm excited. So excited, that I wanted to include another brief peek behind the curtain for you all, here!

“You wish me to speak with them?” Her hands knotted into the fabric of her overskirt, her eyes casting about the room, avoiding his own. “With Menelaus among them?”

“Perhaps,” Paris said, taking her hands in his and guiding her to a seat upon the bed’s edge, hoping to settle her. Never before had he ever seen her so unnerved. Not since that first day after she had returned to him in Egypt. “But Helen, you will not face them alone. Hector and I will stand beside you, and Priam and Hecuba as well. You need not fear them. They cannot touch you while you dwell behind Troy’s walls as my wife.”

She swallowed hard, twisting her fingers through his and staring out at the city beyond the balcony. What he would have given to know her thoughts—but though they shared much, Helen still kept her own counsel more often than he liked. Whatever else had changed between them when she had given herself up, at last, that much had stayed the same.

“I do not see what good it will do,” she murmured. “To parade me before them again, to tease them with what they will not have—what they would have never kept. By leaving Menelaus, have I not left them all? Chosen a foreign prince over everything they offered.”

He squeezed her hands. “But you did not choose, not truly. The gods chose for us. Zeus and Aphrodite bound our fates together, our lives and our hearts. In truth, were we not both powerless? How can any man expect you to defy the gods? To defy your own father?”

She pressed her lips together, her gaze returning to the city, to the horizon beyond it. As if, if she only looked hard enough, she could see the ships themselves and the men upon them. And then she tipped her head, just slightly, and he knew she had made her decision.

“When?” she asked.

“A sevenday, perhaps. No more than a fortnight, to be sure.” He grimaced. “There are few villages left for them to plunder on their way here.”

Her eyes sharpened, her gaze finding his and the corners of her mouth turning down. “Hector sent out messengers, did he not? To warn them.”

“Yes,” he assured her, wishing he had never mentioned it at all. She hated it, he knew. Every bit of blood spilled, every life taken in her name. She tried to hide it, but it was not hard to see if you knew how to look. And ever since Egypt, her true face had been open to him, the queen’s mask torn away. She had become guileless in a way she had never been in Sparta, and that, beyond anything she had said or done, had convinced him of her love. Persuaded him that he had finally won her. “Our swiftest ships and our fastest horses, and we have taken in all the men, women, and children who have heeded our warning. To the good, truly, for it will mean more men to swell our ranks as soldiers when we must fight. A greater show of force. The nearer the Achaean ships get to Troy, the fewer innocents they will find to slaughter. We are doing everything we can, I promise you.”

She nodded, but he knew it was not enough. The way worried lines creased her forehead, and her pretty mouth still curved down instead of up. The way her gaze had slipped from his again, even if she had not turned away.

“Helen,” he said softly, tipping her face up to his to catch her eyes, willing her to hear him. “If the gods are determined upon this course—there is nothing you or I can do to stop it. You must remember that. You must remember that none of this blood is on your hands or mine. We have only done as the gods wished us to do, as they demanded in truth, and there is no turning back now.”

If you're interested in more of my musings on Paris's character while you wait for me to finish writing this hopefully-will-stay-novella-length project, check out my post on Paris and Oenone, and maybe The Sins of Paris, as well. And of course, there's plenty of Paris to be found in BY HELEN'S HAND, too!

Tamer of Horses Helen of Sparta By Helen's Hand Daughter of a Thousand Years A Sea of Sorrow: A Novel of Odysseus
Amazon | Barnes&Noble | IndieBound

Thursday, August 9, 2018

Helen of Sparta Summer Sale!

For the month of August, grab Helen of Sparta for just 1.99!
Don't forget to follow it up with By Helen's Hand, and/or prequel it up with Ariadne and the Beast and Tamer of Horses! If you recently read and loved Circe by Madeline Miller (I sure did!)--Helen should absolutely be on your TBR, too!

Things have been a little bit all over the place for me this summer, between family adventures and authorstuff. Publishing is such a strange beast. Sometimes it feels like you have a tiger by the tail. Sometimes you think you're on your way to the finish line only to get bounced back to start. But as long as I'm writing--I can't even tell you how much I love the writing.

This month, Newsletter Subscribers got a sneak peek of my most recent Mythic Bronze Age Work-in-Progress (I usually share a small snippet of whatever I've been working on that month at the end of every issue of the Amaliad). And I'm going to share the latest newsletter with you all here--to give you a taste of what you're missing if you haven't subscribed yet!

So Klikk Klikk get a peek at what I've been writing, and then make sure you subscribe so you don't miss out on future WiPpets!

I'm not sure yet when this one will be finished--or how long it'll end up being. It's definitely an epilogue to Helen of Sparta and By Helen's Hand, and doubly definitely takes on the Trojan War that I swore I would never write. But assuming I can keep it novella length, maybe I can get it out into the world sooner rather than later. Sooner being completely relative, of course. Because while I only have 6 outlined chapters left to go, it's something I've only been picking at on the side while I'm working on other projects, and there are contract things to negotiate too. So! We'll just have to see how it goes. And I'll of course let you know--one more reason to subscribe to the Amaliad, I suppose!

Happy Thor's Day!

Tamer of Horses Helen of Sparta By Helen's Hand Daughter of a Thousand Years A Sea of Sorrow: A Novel of Odysseus
Amazon | Barnes&Noble | IndieBound

Tuesday, May 15, 2018

Ariadne and the Beast, Plus New Newsletter Subscriber Exclusive!

So I have some excitement to share after all!

Those of you who follow me on twitter and facebook or are keeping up with my Newsletter probably already saw, but I've got a short story release for you later this month: ARIADNE AND THE BEAST!

Pre-Order Now!

Previously only available to AMALIAD subscribers as an exclusive, my short story Ariadne and the Beast, the story of Ariadne, Theseus, and the Minotaur, is now available for pre-order on kindle! YAY! It's set about 30 years before the events of Helen of Sparta and you can grab it for just 1.99. Ariadne releases May 31st, because I love having extra excuses to celebrate my Thor's Days.

Due to its length (short story!) this is an e-only release. But I hope you'll enjoy it all the same!

Because this is no longer an exclusive goodie for AMALIAD subscribers, I'm giving you all a NEW exclusive in exchange--FOUR never before seen BY HELEN'S HAND chapters that were left on the cutting room floor! I'm calling this little bonus Not Quite Queen of Sparta, and it all fits into the final book somewhere between chapters 33 and 38. They'll be available to all new subscribers going forward AND if you're a current subscriber, the link went out to you today, so check your inbox and happy reading!!

Finally, for those of you not stalking my twitter feed, I watched Troy: Fall of a City and livetweeted it for your entertainment and my... um. well. displeasure? My thoughts and feelings begin here:

I have a few. More than a few. Lots of feelings guys. LOTS. And shut up I know I said I would never write the Trojan War but after that showing...

Well, let's just say I maaaaaaaaaay have changed my mind. Amaliad subscribers will likely learn about what may or may not be coming down the pipe FIRST, and also get sneak peeks behind the curtain of the drafting in process, so if you haven't subscribed and you love my Bronze Age brand--there's really no better time than now!

Tamer of Horses Helen of Sparta By Helen's Hand Daughter of a Thousand Years A Sea of Sorrow: A Novel of Odysseus
Amazon | Barnes&Noble | IndieBound

Wednesday, February 14, 2018

A Quick Update

Hi, I'm still here.

Yes, one day, I DO still want to write an Antiope and Theseus book. (And a book about Aethra. And a Heracles adventure. And more Polypoetes. And and and!)

No, I'm not writing it right now. (Sadface! Extreme Sadface!)

If you aren't subscribed to The Amaliad to stay up to date on my authorial adventures, you definitely should be! I always include any current sales in my newsletter and Lake Union has sales and promotions for my Helen books and DAUGHTER pretty regularly! Plus you'll hear about new projects there first, too. And! There are giveaways! And Subscriber Exclusive bonuses!

I'm currently catching up on Amalia Dillin projects that fell by the wayside while I was under deadline doing Amalia Carosella work, so you can check out my blog over there, too, for updates if you are morally opposed to newsletters. The biggest thing is that I'm devoting 2018 to writing Orc3 for my Orc Saga fans, and they've been waiting a long time because burnout so I'm trying to keep my focus there now that I have reclaimed my joy in writing again. And once that's done, I'm going to just write for the love of it wherever the creative winds take me, for myself, and try to not let the stress of publishing grind me into dust.

That said, if you loved DAUGHTER OF A THOUSAND YEARS, consider crossing over to my Amalia Dillin Fate of the Gods trilogy! FORGED BY FATE is a triple timeline, historical and contemporary fantasy timeslip, heavy on the mythic, and follows Thor, Adam, and Eve (yes, that Adam and Eve) from Creation into the present.

And of course don't forget to grab A SEA OF SORROW: A NOVEL OF ODYSSEUS, my H-Team adventure! It really is The Odyssey as you've never read it before, and I do not use that expression lightly because it makes me roll my eyes right out of my head whenever someone says it to me.

What else?

Hm. I think that's about it for the moment on my historical fiction side. I hope you'll stay tuned for whatever comes next, be it hist fic or contemporary romance or mythic fantasy, as Amalia Carosella or Amalia Dillin. And in the meantime, thanks so much for reading!!!

Tamer of Horses Helen of Sparta By Helen's Hand Daughter of a Thousand Years A Sea of Sorrow: A Novel of Odysseus
Amazon | Barnes&Noble | IndieBound

Thursday, October 19, 2017

The Siren's Song

I have to admit to a little trepidation when I came on board this latest H-Team adventure -- retelling The Odyssey without gods or magic?! The period might have been my wheelhouse, but that particular approach most definitely was not my usual style. Add to that the very careful dance of making sure that my contribution to this collaboration wasn't an inadvertent sequel to By Helen's Hand, and I worried, at first, that maybe I wasn't quite up to the challenge.

But then the sirens called me. I could hear the song. And I knew what I had to write. What I was desperate to write and retell. I knew the sirens wanted to sing through me.

Of course that also required a small amount of reshuffling. The sirens weren't initially part of the general proposed outline of our project, and I'm super grateful for the flexibility of my co-authors in making room to allow me to tell their tale! Because I knew exactly where I wanted to begin. I knew precisely how to approach their story and their history in a world without gods or magic.

Or at least, without the traditional idea of magic. I still had at my disposal the magic of storytelling--the magic of the stories we tell ourselves, and the ways we create our own narratives, spinning heroics and humor out of the mundane or the tragic. And what could possibly be more fitting in a retelling of the story of Odysseus than for my sirens to have rewoven their own history, their own tragedy, into something magical?

Once, we'd had wings.

That was the line upon which I built all the rest. A line that didn't make the cut into the final version of the story, but which became the very foundation of my poor, isolated, sirens and their history. Because in a world without gods or magic, it is the stories people tell themselves that matter most. Personal and family and community narratives were the only history they might know--and that went double for my lonely sirens.

So who were my sirens? How did they come to live upon their rocky, barren island to sing poor sailors to their doom? 

Grab your copy of A SEA OF SORROW: A NOVEL OF ODYSSEUS, and find out!

Tamer of Horses Helen of Sparta By Helen's Hand Daughter of a Thousand Years A Sea of Sorrow: A Novel of Odysseus
Amazon | Barnes&Noble | IndieBound

Wednesday, October 11, 2017

Musing on: Penelope's Suitors

As part of my research for A SEA OF SORROW, of course I found myself rereading The Odyssey -- and I couldn't help but wonder, as I read:
Who *are* these men?
Mnesterophonia Louvre CA7124
Slaughter of the Suitors via Wiki Commons (public domain)

We know some of their names, of course, and even who their fathers are. We know that they seem to have some pretty poor manners, and as guests and suitors they have overstayed their welcome to an extreme degree (though it seems Penelope is in part to blame for not sending them away, herself, perhaps, too.) But. Who are they in the greater scheme of Ithaca's kingdom and community, post Trojan War?

Presumably, Odysseus took a majority of able-bodied men with him to Troy to fight. We know these suitors are the sons of now-old men, noble houses of Ithaca who were part of Odysseus's assembly. The sons of men who are now too old and weak to rule them -- much like Laertes is too old and weak with grief and sorrow to guard Penelope and Telemachus from the suitors, or even to engage in Ithaca's assembly to any degree. Had they been younger men, the fathers of these suitors would have left 20 years earlier with Odysseus to fight, right? And if the suitors had been older men themselves, they also would have left, for the most part, 20 years ago to fight with Odysseus.

So are these Suitors second or third or fourth sons (of second wives, perhaps)? Not quite so young as Telemachus, clearly, who was an infant when Odysseus left, but old enough to see their brothers sail off in his company, and just a shade too young to follow? Old enough to grieve for their brothers who never returned home? Are they acting out, taking back what they lost in some way, by pillaging Odysseus's stores in his absense and courting his wife?

During Telemachus's assembly in book two, Mentor says:
"Think: not one of the people whom he ruled
remembers Odysseus now, that godlike man,
and kindly as a father to his children!" (Fagles, p 100)
Is he accusing the Suitors themselves of not knowing or remembering Odysseus, suggesting that perhaps they were too young to have really engaged with him in any meaningful way? Accusing the old men of the Assembly of forgetting the kindness of their king, or betraying the kindness that Odysseus showed them by not standing against the abuses of the suitors?

It seems likely that reinforcements came to support the Greeks (generic national identity used loosely, here), so why didn't these suitors travel to Troy to fight at some later point in the war? Or had they not yet quite come of age, even then? Say they were only 5 or 6, and hadn't quite reached manhood before Troy was sacked? But that would make them only 26 to Penelope's mid thirties, at the youngest, assuming she was in her early/mid-teens when she married Odysseus and bore him Telemachus, now nearing 20.

Odysseus mustered 12 ships when he initially sailed to Troy with the army, according to Homer's Catalogue of Ships, and in the Odyssey, Odysseus claims to have begun his journey from Troy with a dozen ships, still. twenty to thirty oars per ship would mean a minimum of 240 to 360 men -- none of which returned home, save Odysseus himself. Could resentment for the loss of so many have fueled the blind eye that these old men turned to their youngest/younger sons who lived? Or simply the desire to spoil them, because they had not been lost when so many others had been?

Honestly, I'm kind of shocked that upon his return Odysseus is allowed to keep his crown, after losing so many men -- hero-kings have been thrown out of power for less, after all -- but perhaps it is the slaughter of the suitors that secures his power in the end. The old men, after all, clearly don't have the strength to stand against him when they cannot stand against their own sons. And with the suitors' deaths, an entire generation of Ithacans, ultimately, is wiped out -- leaving Odysseus with no one to challenge him at all.

Don't forget to grab A SEA OF SORROW from Amazon, Kobo, iBooks, and B&N, (or even Amazon UK), or add it on goodreads!
ASOS releases October 17th!

Tamer of Horses Helen of Sparta By Helen's Hand Daughter of a Thousand Years A Sea of Sorrow: A Novel of Odysseus
Amazon | Barnes&Noble | IndieBound